Week One- "Honey, I just love her so much."

Wow. It's hard to put into words the first week of Millie's life. Lots of things happened. My favorite surprise- we took very careful notice of the color of her poop. From black to brown to yellow to green. It ran the gamut! Both of us quickly learned to change the diapers with lightning speed. And the breastfeeding... oh, the breastfeeding. I so wanted to be the world's best feeder, and it just didn't happen. She had a bad latch and I had a lot of pain. It's so amazing how such a little being can cause so much damage. It's still a work in progress, but we're making it. Bryan was reminded of his coaching techniques in that first week. I used some of my Lamaze breathing when she was latching. She lost some weight right away, actually a whole pound. When we went in for her check up the doctor threatened formula supplementation. Oh, no! This wanna-be world's best nurser was not up for that! So I did a ton of reading into week two and we made our next appointment and prayed that she would gain some weight. Of course, we really didn't sleep much in that first week. That first night we got a taste of our little babe's tummy troubles and learned her amazing ability to pass very large amounts of gas. (Sorry, honey, if you're reading this later.) Bryan and I repeatedly would look at each other and say, "Oh, I just love her so much." or "I can't believe she's this beautiful." We are just spellbound, smitten, and taken by this little girl. It's so incredible to be a part of creating a life.

Charis' first viewing of her Baby "Milwie"

Amillia's first bath. She was a little jaundiced during her first week. Notice how yellow she is next to my very white hand!

Millie's first Halloween! She was a cranky ballerina! Ha! Thanks to Koby for this super fun outfit!

Thus our adventure begins...

After 21 hours (from what I call the beginning of my labor), I started feeling the urges to push and finally was fully dilated. I'll never forget the hour before she arrived. The people there with me were- Debbie the nurse, Bryan (Coach of the Year), my mom and sister (who I couldn't look at or I would cry), my aunt Nicole, Leslie (my awesome RN sis-in-law), and later Dr. Hix. They brought in the mirror so I could watch the process. Bryan will tell you that he was so happy he watched her being born. He says it was "the coolest thing he's ever seen." I pushed for about 40 minutes with everyone cheering on. It really was a defining moment of my life. I never felt so important as those moments. I never have wanted to work so hard in my life. I never wanted something SO bad! I was doing lots of shaking uncontrollably and I was so incredibly thirsty, but all I wanted to do was keep pushing. Especially once I saw her little head crowning. We all couldn't believe it when Dr. Hix said that the saw dark hair. We just knew that she wouldn't have any hair at all or be very blond like we were. (Her hair is starting to turn blond now at 6 weeks, by the way.) When her head finally came out, the waterworks started. I just could not believe that she was here. I don't really remember pushing the rest of her out, but I just remember weeping for joy at the sight of my little girl. She gurgled and screamed and choked a little bit on the fluid, but quickly quieted when the nurse put her on my chest. We introduced ourselves and she just stared. :-) I loved that she recognized us right away. Bryan was able to talk to her more when they were doing her measurements and such. One thing I won't forget about our miracle girl is that her umbilical cord was tied in a knot. So at some point in her growth she swam a little circle and tied it up. That could have been fatal, but God had and still has his hand on her. He was there. I know He was. My mom asked Him to be. And thus our adventure begins...

Lots of pics from Amillia Elizabeth's birthday

8 lbs. 1 oz.; 19 3/4 inches long; born 6:09 PM October 28th, 2008

"Thank you, Jesus, for epidurals."

So, my story left off with my receiving of the (and I quote Baby Mama) "dangerous toxins for my own selfish benefit." The next few hours were spent unsuccessfully trying to catch up on sleep, enjoying the company of my family, laughing, and waiting. Waiting...waiting...waiting... I stayed about the same progression throughout the day. I finally progressed to 9 1/2 centimeters, but the cervix would just not open all the way up. The doctor then suggested that I take some Pitocin to help the process. Dr. Partridge would have delivered if Amillia started coming while she was still working in her office upstairs, but luckily I got her husband Dr. Robert Hix. Even though medical induction methods were against my birth plan, the process was taking long enough. I was ready to see that she was here and, more importantly, healthy. Another thing that made us nervous was the way that she was turned. She was head down, but turned with her face to the side which is not ideal or the safest way for the baby to be delivered. My nurse (Debbie) had me try some different positions of lying to help promote her to turn. They gave me more doses of epidural to alleviate the intense pains I was starting to feel since Amillia's position was blocking some of the medicine. I was really starting to feel those contractions again at one point on my right side. I started getting nervous that I was about to deliver like Eve! (I'm such a wimp!) I remember when the epidural did kick in and I was on my hands and knees on the bed (covered, of course) and I was telling my favorite "pirate" Halloween joke which is not all that appropriate to be posting on my blog. (I'll share privately if anyone would like...) Bryan tried to tell the "brown chicken, brown cow" joke, but failed miserably. We were all so tired and ready for our girl. After the position changes, Debbie said she had good and bad news. Good news- Amillia had turned and my painful, hard work was successful. Bad news- she turned the wrong way- completely face up...

More delivery day memories...

This is the sleepy/silly state:

My Aunt Nicole who was a super coach

Baby by Sunrise...

Early in the morning of October 28th (4:45 am to be exact), Bryan and I arrived at Willow Creek Women's Hospital. When we would leave the next day, our lives would be totally different. When I went to the triage for a progress check amid those incredibly painful contractions that I mentioned in the previous post, the same sweet nurse (Holly) was there to greet us. The first thing I said to her after saying hello was, "If I get admitted today, how long before I can have an epidural?" She laughed. When she checked me I was progressed to 5-6 centimeters. For those who don't know labor talk, that means I was over halfway ready to deliver. So I had done half of the tough work at home. Holly smiled and complimented my toughness for staying at home so long. I met Dr. Duke (one of Leslie's favorites) and he told me that he thought we'd have a "baby by sun-up." I think he was quite sleepy after a long shift and had his times mixed up because it would be (*spoiler alert*) 6:09 PM before Amillia joined the bright world. Bre arrived first and helped Bryan do some major back massage during the contractions. Have I mentioned how great of a coach Bryan was? Mom arrived soon after and by 6:30 I was in a room with an epidural on the way. Leslie helped me get the epidural faster because she volunteered to help do it. I sure owe her! I was going through a contraction when the anesthesiologist did it- that was really fun! But once that epidural hit... I was a happy girl...

Here's a post-epidural pic or two. This one is Bryan and I reenacting a contraction with him coaching me through it. I'll never forget his forceful commands of "Look at me! You can do this!" Sometimes a bossy girl needs to be bossed around a little to not give up!

"I don't know what to do with my hands!"


Mema and Nini playing the "waiting game." I was so happy that I packed that blanket because I was very shivery.

"Honey, I think it's time."

Ok. I'll spare all the details, but giving birth is definitely the coolest thing I've ever experienced. Maybe "cool" isn't the word... miraculous, amazing, beautiful. Those are good words to describe it. Bringing this little bundle of joy into the world was all of these. It was also very challenging. The night before she was born I went into false labor. It was probably caused by the Mexican food and two hours of Wal-Mart walking amongst other things. I always think of the daughter on "Father of the Bride II" going to the hospital and returning home. I wish I could have just called up Dr. Huxtable on The Cosby Show and he would ask how far apart the contractions were and I would tell him and he tell me what to do! So, false labor on Sunday night. We were at the hospital (2 min. contractions, 3 minutes apart- textbook, eh?) from 3:45-6:45. I bawled when the nurse said I had to go home and she said, "Oh, no! Don't cry. You can stay if you want to." She was so sweet. On the way home, I made Bryan stop and get some donuts. I picked one out for later and ate an entire bag of a dozen donuts holes all before we got home from Hwy. 71! After sleeping all day (until 2:00) my spirits were up much more. We decided to get out again, but this time chose the Promenade mall. We walked for about an hour and 1/2. Keep in mind that this was the two days after my due date. So, I was having some major pains around 9:30, enough to have to stop mid-sidewalk and bend to help alleviate the pain. Those were 17 minutes apart. After a delicous hazelnut hot chocolate from Starbucks and Auntie Anne's pretzel we came home. I continued having some major contractions through the night. They never got closer than about 8 minutes apart. But the pain was so intense that I told Bryan that this had to be it. (Where was Dr. Huxtable when I needed him!?!) I would fall asleep in between the contractions and wake up with the worst pain I have ever imagined. But finally at 4:45 we arrived at the hospital... To be continued...

Here are some pregnant pictures. I know I'm going in reverse order a bit, but now that Amillia is 4 weeks old, I'm starting to forget what this was like.

2008- The Year of Millie!

The last few weeks have been the most strenuous, challenging, rewarding and wonderful weeks of my life. All of 2008 has been about this little miracle we've been given- from planning her to carrying her to bringing her into this world. Over the next several posts I am going to write about the different parts of welcoming Millie and what I've experienced thus far with her. I marvel every single day at the blessing that she is and I can't wait to share the experience of her. Here are some pictures of our gift straight from God at three weeks and two days.

She's Got Mommy's Nose

During our wedding we found out that one of the top things Bryan loved about me was my "cute gnome nose." We both love little things like that about each other that make us unique. Today we had Amillia's 33 week appointment. We knew we were going to have an ultrasound, but got a surprise when the tech did a few 4-D shots for us. I had originally said that I didn't want to do 4-D so I could see Millie for the first time when she arrived, but I have to admit that it was fun to catch a glimpse! She has my nose and Bryan's sweet cheeks. We also found out that she now weighs 5 lbs. and 1 oz. and all her measurements look good. I can't wait until she's here! For now, I'll just settle for her little kicks and nudges. I'm beginning to think she has Bryan's long legs!

Back to life... Back to reality...

So we're back home from our babymoon. I managed not to blog on the last day. We went to the beach and I pouted about not being able to snorkel due to the huge Hurricane Bertha waves. I finally did get to in a safer place and I encountered scary sea urchins, so that only lasted about 5 minutes. :-) I had a bit of a new outlook upon returning home. The Cruzan relaxed state-of-mind and lifestyle transferred over a bit. I've been relaxed and looking forward to preparing for the fall- baby, school, work for mom and dad, med transcriptioning. I've got lots to do and work on, but I'm taking it a day at a time. Baby is doing well. She's just been swimming and kicking around a lot. I read that 23-28 weeks is when they move the most because they're not yet big enough to be totally squished. She likes to move and dance and play uterine soccer when I eat and lie down to rest. Oops.. she just kicked me for talking about her! So fun! She also likes when Bryan pokes at her and talks to her. This picture is my very favorite beach picture from the trip taken on the last day...

Happy Anniversary, Mon!

Babymoon Day 4 (... or 5... I think... I'm starting to get lost on what day it is. The island does that to people. Just listen to Kenny Chesney songs.) So, yesterday we celebrated our 2nd anniversary. We've made it this far- maybe we'll make it two more! Just kidding. We were talking about the fact that we're going to be married for 80 years as we walked on the beach last night. Bryan said I was silly b/c that would mean I'd live to be 113 or something like that. I just said, "It could happen." We had an interesting day for an anniversary celebration. Today we chose to go to VBS with Brandyn and Kendall and the kids at the YWAM(Youth with a Mission) camp. It was so fun. Exhausting, but fun. I played a little but mostly just stayed in the shade and sang the songs and such. I made some new little local friends. Yasmin, who shares my love for dancing and C.S. Lewis and dislike for sports, was my favorite. She and I sat in the shade and talked a lot of the morning. I chose not to swim with the kids because of my lobster burn. It's a good thing that I didn't because there were several of the wee ones who don't swim. B & K told us that most locals don't know how to swim. It's a generational thing, they said. I found that fascinating because they have this beautiful ocean to swim in and they don't use it! They wade around close to the shore, but that's about it. At VBS, we started with play time. I got to play frisbee with some kids and shoot like three hoops until I was tired. I'm such a wimp these days! Bryan had little boys hanging on him all day. They were doing long handshakes by the end of the morning. It was so sweet. We painted hats, had popcorn and mango snacks, swam in the pool, did singing and story time (the story of Joseph), and practiced the memory verse. It was a lot of fun to see the local kids. They were so cute and extremely sweet. We returned for a long needed nap and then to go out to a super nice dinner for our anniversary. We went to a famous spot called Duggan's Reef where we sat in fancy wingback chairs and had some gourmet grub. We both chose wahu (sp?) mine pan seared with a crab and bruschetta topping, Bryan's was baked with goat cheese and crap topping. Delicious! Bryan tried conch chowder. Those are the mussels that come from the huge pretty shells. We had coconut bread pudding and key lime pie. It was ridiculous! I was up all night with a stomach ache, but it was worth it! We were able to look over the ocean and see Buck Island off the coast (in the pic). The people were really nice, especially Scott the bartender who made me a delicious virgin pina colada. He told us all about living on the island and his own history. After dinner we stood out on the little dock for a long time and watched two crabs scurry around the dock. "Heeey, heeey, heeey..." (That's what they say because they're so skiddish.) It was a wonderful day and we're so sad that we'll be going home on Friday. Bryan and Kendall bought some fish from some local fishermen that we're going to have tomorrow night. The pictures are of us on our anniversary/babymoon dinner, kids at "Jericho Kids," and Bryan's "catch."

The Snorkel Burn

Babymoon Day 4- Bryan and I have coined a new term. The snorkel burn. Today we ate a big breakfast and headed out for a day on the island off the coast of the island- Protestant Cay. We took a short ferry to the little island that houses a hotel and a small beach and we had a view of the harbor on one side and the vast ocean on the other. We swam and laid around and snorkeled. We saw lots of tropical fish and a stingray! A school of large silvery fish swam right past us and kind of scared us both. So much fun it was! So much fun that each time I came out of the crystal waters to take a break I reapplied sunscreen to the my face, arms, and chest and I forgot one important part that was exposed nearly all day long- my back. I now possess a gnarly burn on my back and lower butt cheeks :-) that it radiating heat! It was such a fun day, though. My pregnant belly provides the perfect buoyant float. I didn't hardly have to swim or work on the water at all. I just kind of floated. Amillia was doing her part to make sure I didn't sink! That was all for today. We're about to eat some dinner and maybe play a game. I love not having a TV. We just spend tons of time together. The pics today are actually a few more from yesterday because I didn't take any today since we were in the water a lot and not with our things, we decided not to take the valuables.

"Dad, build me a fort!"

Babymoon Day 3- Bryan and I have this interesting tradition that whenever we visit a beach town, we do all the nerdy touristy things like learning the history of the place we're visiting. We always will seek out forts and lighthouses. Well, today we found our fort. It was a Dutch fort that was build to protect Christiansted harbor. So fun! It was neat (and very valuable) how the fort was built to capture the sea breezes to cool the place down. Before the fort, though, we went for a drive on the east end of the island which is the desert land with beautiful views. We stopped on the most eastern point of the island where a monument was built and enjoyed the almost 360 degree views of the Caribbean Sea. It was breathtaking. We also stopped on our way there to take some pics of an amazing view and we trekked down a hill to the ocean and walked around for a bit. We didn't stay too long b/c I forgot to put on sunscreen. What an idiot, eh? But luckily we found some tourist friends from Boston at the point who shared their sunscreen with me! We continued driving around the east side then south and down the south side of the island inward. It was our "adventure," we called it. There really aren't street signs here, so we just had to kind of guess where we were going sometimes. Luckily, there are highway signs, so we didn't veer off our path much. After our fort visit (after the morning drive), we picnicked on a bench on the harbor. The winds were nice and strong because Hurricane Bertha is currently about 100 miles away! Scary, but we're told there's nothing to worry about. All we're getting is a little bit of rain and some nice winds. After lunch we did some walking around the harbor and then a tiny bit of shopping in an air conditioned store. I was needing it! We returned to the house to nap and to get ready for dinner. We drove out with Brandyn and Kendall to Off the Wall to swim a bit in the water and then eat at a restaurant that's right on the water. They have real and concrete rocks set up underneath the restaurant so the water crashes right there while you watch the sunset! It was so beautiful. We enjoyed some amazing calzones and I tried ginger beer. No worries, it's not alcoholic. It's like root beer, but made with ginger. A pregnant woman's dream- this stuff!!! After sunset we headed back to the boardwalk for a quick stroll so Kendall could tell us about the sailboats and the owners he knew and then home for a much needed night's rest! Pictures are of the beach we swam in at dinner, the waves crashing on the mountains from our morning adventure, and me making my intense "fort" face.

Mama make me a Johnny Cake Christmas comin'...

Babymoon Day 2- In three words- Jesus, Mangoes, and Pate. These were my favorite things about today. Brandyn, Kendall, Bryan, and I went to a major island event called the Mango Melee (pronounced may-lay). It was kind of like a farmer's market mixed with a craft fair mixed with a county fair minus the livestock. The Cruzans were celebrating their beloved mango! The event took place at the Botanical Gardens so we got to do one of our touristy things on our list. I've got great pics of exotic plants, cacti, and fruit. One of the best things about it was the local food made by local people. I enjoyed a favorite called chicken pate (pronounced like the liver stuff, but very different.) It was like an empanada with friend bread stuffed with a chicken mixture. We bought a rattle made from the nut of a tree (that I can't the remember the name of sadly) made by a local artist for the baby. We looked at lots of jewelry, plants, and ruins that are on the site of the botanical gardens. It was a great experience.

Our morning started out really nicely with a visit to the St. Croix Christian Church. I was a little bit sick this morning so I was "weary" during the service, but I still really enjoyed the message and the people were really nice. The message was about making choices about your life based on the dangers that God reveals to you. It was extremely encouraging. "The prudent see danger and seek refuge. The simple keep going and suffer for it." (Somewhere in Proverbs :-( ... can't remember).

Once we returned home from our day, we swam to cool off and practiced our snorkeling techniques. I was so worn out from the day that I had a nap and them we had dinner. It's early to bed tonight so Brandyn and Kendall can wake up early to go to VBS. I'm not sure what we'll be doing. The pictures below are of Bryan and one of the spiky cactus plants and us with the mango display at Mango Malee!

In the Jungle the Mighty Jungle...

Babymoon Day 1- We needed a major sleep in after the long day of flying and layovers that we experience added to the jerk chicken smorgasboard and watching fireworks 40 miles away on St. John Island. A great 4th! After the best french toast I've ever had this morning (probably because Kendall put a little Cruzan rum cream- alcohol cooked off of course) we got ourselves prepared for a fun day. We drove all around the island today. We picked up the Tracker at Brandyn and Kendall's house and drove out to the rainforest. Favorite part of the day? Stopping at the Country Snack Local Fruit Smoothie stand. See picture below! They made smoothies of five different tropical fruits and no sugar! I felt so healthy and the baby LOVED it. After a walk around the "mini-zoo" we drove on to the beach in Fredricksted. We spent a couple of hours wading in the crystal water. It was so relaxing. One of my favorite parts was that there was a huge family reunion type gathering where all these people were barbequing and there was a DJ playing reggae music. I loved it. There were only locals there, but Bryan and me. After our day of jungle driving and beachcombing, we headed to the Big K and the grocery store to stock up on groceries for the week. Tonight we cooked hamburgers, fries, and grilled pineapple. Delicious. I think we're about play a game. Tomorrow is Mango Malee! The pics below are us on the beach with my big 'ole stomach, Brandyn and I at the smoothie stand, and the beautiful 4th of July sunset.

What a Whirlwind Week!

Just when I thought my summer was soooo boring, we had a good but crazy-busy series of days. We had Father's Day dinner at Mema & Pepa's. The picture is of Bryan and Charis sitting outside on the swing. I love watching him talk to her and play with her. It makes me very excited for things to come. We saw our friends Russ & Jamie who have their miracle girl Amelia Mae to keep us oohing and aahing while we're there. Also we spent time with Brandon and Koby- summer time is my favorite time to hang with the Bowens. Koby and I get our healthy dose of So You Think You Can Dance and we also love going to the pool or the lake on their new boat. Bryan's friend from his former work and his wife had us over for dinner. They've got a new little one named Kellen. He was so sweet, but he threw up on my three times in one night. I felt and smelled like a REAL MOM! My Mema Clifta had her girls' night birthday party. She is so youthful and beautiful and fun. I hope I'm just like her. We watched a video of her and her classmate friends dressed up (in blackface if you'll believe that!) and sing songs of The Platters. My face hurt from smiling! And lastly in my busy week, I helped with the interviews of the new forensics /drama teacher at Washington JH. It was a roller coaster! I'm glad this week will be full of the "officially starting medical transcription training" and little plans. I'm so thankful for the friends and family in our lives, though! They all keep us sane.

Back to Blogging

Wow. I'm not quite sure where to start, so I'll just pretend that this is the beginning. When I started my first poorly maintained attempt at a Blog, I was inspired by my friend Melanie's writings about her new marriage and her fun pups. Since then my wonderful friend from college and beautiful mother of two Paula has been writing the chronicles of her two wee boys Tucker and Jackson for two years now. I'm now inspired to start my very own record. The object of my inspiration? The baby that will make her way into our lives in only four and 1/2 short months. Just like Paula's kids will one day be able to read about what she was thinking and going through and what they were doing while they were too young to remember, I want our little girl to do the same.

Bryan and I have now been married for almost two years (in a month). I fall in love with him more and more as time passes. He's been more than wonderful to me. I was extremely sick during the earliest parts of the pregnancy and he took care of me and remained patient throughout my famous whining and crying. :-) It was a really tough time. It was hard for me to be happy about baby when baby was making me so miserable. I wanted to be a "glowing mother-to-be" but instead all I could do was lie around when I came home from my long days and rehearsals. Thank the Lord that He got us through that time and now I've been feeling very well. I love the little flutters that she makes to remind me that she's always there, just swimming around... a little miracle. :-) She'll be here before we know it and we can hardly wait!

In this ultrasound picture you can really see her nose and mouth. Just tilt your head to the left a little and look towards the center of the picture.